What Really Goes On
Inside Men
A lot more goes on in men's heads than anyone would guess. Often, men themselves have no idea what's playing in there — and quite often it's a sad, heavy tune. In years of work as a clairvoyant and healer, I've looked inside a great many people. Men included. Here's what I see.
Strong on the outside, lost on the inside
When men come to me for healing sessions, I regularly find myself thinking: what do I do with this?
These strong, capable men are often even more lost inside than women. Mainly because they have no contact with their sensitivity — after all, that's "unmanly".
They carry guilt and helplessness over things that went wrong twenty years ago. They crush themselves, close up, and slide further into feeling useless.
And underneath, I feel enormous sensitivity, kindness and love that almost never sees daylight. After a few minutes I want to shout: it's OK! Things go wrong in life. Stop bottling it up. Show the world who you really are.
Hunting mammoths that died out long ago
Why is it like this? I think it's simply hard to be a man today.
Yes, women still earn less and face real disadvantages in many areas. But culture demands that men fit one specific image: strong, brave, resourceful.
Society tells women what to do. It tells men who to be.
So many men spend their adult lives mentally hunting mammoths — because that's the picture of masculinity they carry — without noticing that mammoths died out ages ago.
Women adapt to their roles too, but they're at least allowed to explore their sensitivity. Men don't cry. Women can.
Society tells women what to do. It tells men who to be.
"Don't feel, don't cry"
Knowing and accepting ourselves is the strongest foundation we can build. Boys are often denied exactly that.
"Don't cry. Don't feel. Stay strong." Many boys hear this from the moment they can understand words. Quietly, without anyone meaning harm, their access to their own emotions — and to themselves — is cut off.
In adolescence many turn into little roosters, puffing up their feathers at every chance and pretending to be someone they're not. The pattern sticks like a mantra and follows them for life.
Why failure hits men harder
Because of that image, men experience failure far more intensely. They can't allow themselves weakness or helplessness.
Something goes wrong and inside they think: "I've let everyone down again." Tension builds, they feel worse in their own skin, and even simple things start going wrong. It's a vicious circle of low self-worth — and they often have no idea why they feel so bad.
"He just doesn't do anything!"
Men often don't talk about emotions, and many don't even think about them. Nobody taught them how. They don't know it's OK to feel bad, or that saying it out loud can actually change something.
Women often have no idea how much is happening inside. "I asked him for one simple thing and he still hasn't done it!"
When you feel like a failure, even simple tasks feel too big. Many men don't do things because, inside, they've given up. They're afraid one more thing will go wrong and prove they're no good — so, paralyzed, they do nothing.
What women can do
Try to understand. Ask. Talk. Praise and appreciate, even small successes.
Your capacity for empathy and emotional understanding is, frankly, way ahead. Use it instead of getting annoyed. The moment a thaw sets in and a little self-worth appears, men start to change — more cheerful, more open and, most importantly, able to share love.