How to Talk at the
Christmas Table (Without Fighting)
Family gatherings over the holidays are supposed to be warm. Too often they turn into an ordeal. Why? Because we've forgotten how to talk to each other — and, first of all, to ourselves.
A little about me
December has always been a magical month for me — it's the month I was born. I grew up in a family full of magic. My mother healed with herbs and massage; my aunt taught feng shui. Her pendulum was the first one I ever held, at seven or eight.
I was a "different" child. My sensitivity didn't make growing up easy. My peers didn't understand me, and I experienced aggression more than once. The spiritual world was my refuge.
At nineteen I started working with people — first with cards, soon after with energy and healing. That's where I found myself. My soul, which always wanted to connect with and help people, finally felt at home.
What aggression is hiding
Years of seeing people inside out have changed how I see the world. What saddens me most is how badly we communicate. There's so much aggression around — and it's almost always covering something: a wounded heart, pain, sadness, and the love that's in every one of us.
Overloaded with responsibilities, we get frustrated. Small things set us off. We snap at the people we love, feel guilty, and drown the guilt in more work. A vicious circle.
To learn to talk to others, we first have to learn to talk to ourselves.
Be gentle with yourself and you'll be gentler with your family. It starts with rest. Not everything has to be perfect. A short walk, a cup of tea in silence, a few deep breaths — they release more tension than you'd expect.
Head and heart
Working with people, I've noticed we communicate on two main levels. I call them the "head" and the "heart".
The head holds our thoughts, beliefs, fears and anger. The heart holds what we actually feel: love, sadness, a sense that something is missing — even when we can't name it.
When two people talk "from the head", it turns into a contest. Who's right? Arguments, counter-arguments, long exhausting conversations, frustration, a fight. That's not what either of you wanted.
In close relationships, it's never really about being right. Everyone has their own version of that. Most often, we feel hurt, left out — simply unloved. That's where the real problem lives.
Anger almost always covers sadness.
The perfect moment
Christmas is the perfect time to open your heart to another person. Quiet the difficult emotions for a moment. Smile. Give someone a chance, and talk to them sincerely — including about what hurts.
I'm convinced that's when the real magic happens — the kind that stays with you, your family and everyone around you for the whole year ahead.