Family Gatherings and
Old Emotions
Family get-togethers have a way of bringing back things we'd rather forget. Old grudges. Resentment toward our parents. Anger at a brother or sister. That's exactly why they're such a good opportunity. They show us emotions we never expressed — and give us a chance to finally work through them.
In my healing sessions I see how much harm stuck emotions can do. Some sit inside us for years. Here are a few simple ways to deal with them.
Anger usually hides sadness
When anger takes over, we act in a frenzy and make a mess. Very often the person we're angry with isn't the real target — we're angry with ourselves.
And anger tends to cover something deeper: sadness.
Anger pulls us around. Sadness lives in the heart.
Next time you're furious at someone, ask yourself: What does this remind me of? Which memory does it bring back? Then look for the sadness underneath. Once you find it — and maybe have a good cry — you'll feel much lighter.
Anger pulls us around. Sadness lives in the heart.
See your parents as people
Resentment toward our parents can torment us for years. Underneath is an unmet need for love — and as long as we can't work it through, we can't fully grow up.
The fix is surprisingly simple. Start seeing your parents not as "Mom" and "Dad", but as adults with their own histories. What did they bring from their own childhood homes? What were they carrying?
If it's hard to get that distance, try thinking of them by their first names.
Seen this way, things often make sense. A mother who couldn't show love because she never received it. A father who left because he was still fighting his own battles. Understanding makes forgiveness possible.
And don't be afraid to feel anger toward your parents. Many people won't let themselves. Look at it, feel it — otherwise it keeps you trapped. Idealizing our families only makes it harder to let go.
Siblings can go their own way
Many people suffer because they can't get along with a brother or sister. "We're family — they should understand me."
Not always. The same parents don't guarantee similar characters. Life shapes people very differently.
Sometimes the only thing to do is accept it and stop fighting for closeness at any cost. Give the other person space to be who they are, and try to understand them.
Take a step back
Not every emotion comes from the heart. Some just muddy your energy. Now and then, step back, look at what you're feeling, "talk" to it — and try to smile at yourself.
A light heart helps us through even the darkest moments. I wish you exactly that.